I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
