Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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