you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize