I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
