When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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