Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
