I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
