Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
