You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish I could teleport
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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