An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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