I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
