i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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