Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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