You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
