I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
