Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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