I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
