I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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