So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
