apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
