Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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