if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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