Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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