It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
