I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
