so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
