Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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