I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize