I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
