PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
