i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
