You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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