Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
