He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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