I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
