proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
