please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
