Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
