I hate all girls vehemently.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
