The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
