then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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