Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
