Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
