ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize