the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
