Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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