I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
