I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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