the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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