just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
