Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
