Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
