well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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