i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize