just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
