Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
