the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We have so much sex to catch up on
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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