please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
