I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
