I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
