The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
