she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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