He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize