he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
