i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
