and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
