I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
