My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
