I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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