i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
