just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
