I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
