If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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