so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
