Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
