I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
