Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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