walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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