He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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