I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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