I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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