I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
