Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
