It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
