I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
