around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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