You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
