More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
