i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize